17th June 2019 | Daily Answer Writing Enhancement

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Question 1)

Lakshadweep has been facing a drastic decline in coral cover in recent years. Discuss various environmental and anthropogenic factors behind this phenomenon. How can El Nino be disastrous for the world’s coral reefs? Illustrate. (250 Words))

Question 2)

There is no place in the world more important for the global supply of oil than the Strait of Hormuz. What is the political and economic significance of Strait of Hormuz? (250 words)

Question 3)

In a world riven by geopolitical contestations, SCO membership provides India a vital counter to some of the other groupings it is a part of, balancing out its stated policy of pursuing “multi-alignments”. Comment. (250 Words)

Question 4)

A person cannot do right in civil service whilst attempting to do wrong in personal life. In context of this statement, examine the relationship between personal and professional ethics. Do civil servants have to be ethical in personal life in order to be professionally ethical? Illustrate. (150 words)

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Bandari SravyaSURINDER THAKURParth RanjanPrakhar Bharadwajparth verma Recent comment authors
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Varsha Chauhan
Member

PAYMENT ID MOJO9611C00A14581096
Q4 17 JUNE

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Parth Verma
Admin

Review of 4

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Parth Verma
Admin

2.
-Good use of diagram
-While discussing the strait in the intro, mention why it has been in the news lately. Try to link static portions with latest events to make the answer relevant.
– The discussion on the economic significance is repetitive and most of the points are saying the same points. Mention how economy of various countries depend on this route; employment it is generating; how it is lifeline for many non-oil producing nations and essential for growth of the Asia-pacific etc
– What are the associated political tensions around it?
– energy security of various oil importing economies such as India China etc.
– inflation and current account deficit in many developing economy as price of crude oil is linked to many other products.
– Impacts economy of major oil exporting economies such as Kuwait, Qatar, Iran, Iraq etc.

Also mention its impact on Indian political and economic scenario like:
– Important for India in terms of connectivity with central asia and Europe through INSTC and it’s projects in chabahar port. Effects India and other international effort towards stability in gulf, middle East and even Afghanistan.

Ending is good…

Marks: 2.5

Utkarsh Singh
Member

How do we upload the answers here?

pranab prakash
Member

Payment ID MOJO9611300N14575632

Vijay Ashok
Guest
Vijay Ashok

Hi Bro,How to upload pdf?

pranab prakash
Member

its right there…use the common dialogue box…and not the question specific thread
for pdf format use camscanner

Parth Verma
Admin

Hye Pranab,

While your discussion in the first part is decent, but he structure and presentation needs improvement. First, divide the discussion in 2 parts: a. environmental and b. anthropogenic factors. Put the content under these two headings.

Briefly mention what is El Nino.
The second part is much better covered but answer ends abruptly. What should be done to conserve coral ecosystem? Mention this to end your answer.

Marks: 3

pranab prakash
Member

Payment ID MOJO9611300N14575632
Q.2

Parth Verma
Admin

In Geo and IR related answers, always insure that you have made an image in the answer. You dont have to make a detailed image but a rough sketch will do wonders. These little things will help you notch up more marks…

– The discussion on the economic and political significance needs more and better points: Mention how economy of various countries depend on this route; employment it is generating; how it is lifeline for many non-oil producing nations and essential for growth of the Asia-pacific etc; What are the associated political tensions around it; energy security of various oil importing economies such as India China etc; inflation and current account deficit in many developing economy as price of crude oil is linked to many other products; Impacts economy of major oil exporting economies such as Kuwait, Qatar, Iran, Iraq etc.

While there is no mention of India in the question, but make sure that you put out a little perspective from India’s point of view. You do not have to go deep in this part but just mention what are the significance of this strait for India.
– Important for India in terms of connectivity with central asia and Europe through INSTC and it’s projects in chabahar port. Effects India and other international effort towards stability in gulf, middle East and even Afghanistan.

Your conclusion is not optimistic. Your way forwards have to be little bit more optimistic than the tone it presently has.

Marks: 2

pranab prakash
Member

Payment ID MOJO9611300N14575632
Q.3

Parth Verma
Admin

Pranab you tried to create a good answer but there are certain improvements needed in the answer. First of all avoid newspaper kinda language in mains answers. Its looking a lot like a newspaper editorial or column in terms of language.

1st is the direction which is related to the structure of the answer. Before attempting the question, read the mentors comment given in each individual question. There you will get the idea on how to frame the flow of the answer. Like in this question, you were supposed to discuss the pros and cons of progress as being a member of SCO. e.g.

2nd you missed one of the imp keyword in the question: “multi-alignments” Discuss points while keeping this in mind.

3rd is the uni dimensional nature of the answer. You only discussed what are the pros for India while least bit of attention is given to the cons side. Try to balance your answer in these kind of questions.

Concussion is decent.

Marks: 3

Pooja Pareek
Guest
Pooja Pareek

How to post?

RAHUL RANJAN
Member

CITRUS PAYMENT ID 011906024648833

Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Rahul

Q.1)
Please try to upload the image in portrait mode rather than using landscape mode.
Corals are infact animals and not plants. Avoid these kinds of factual mistakes, that too in the starting of your answer.
Try to use the first statement of the question (in this case: “Lakshadweep has been facing a drastic decline in coral cover in recent years. “) as a base for your intro. Hence, after your discussion on corals, mention the status of corals in Lakshwadeep in recent years.
Good use of flowchart. Keep it up.
Good discussion in the main body of the answer (1st part). The coverage there is good and satisfactory.
But the discussion in the 2nd part (el nino) needs more depth and content. The answer ends abruptly and whatever leverage you gained with your 1st part is lost there. Try to write in a consistent structure and flow. Read the model answer for this part.

Marks: 2.5

Q.2)
What and where is Strait of Hormuz? Why it is in news these days? Do not forget to mention these details in your intro. Also in your IR or Geo related questions, try to use diagrams to get more marks. In last question, you did used one and it was good one. Similarly, use diagram in IR related questions too.

Your main body of the answer lacks depth. You have just touched the tip of the issue and abruptly ended your answer. Secondly, in the economic significance part, you focused on extraction which is not relevant in the current scenario.

Instead your were supposed to write points like:

how economy of various countries depend on this route; employment it is generating; how it is lifeline for many non-oil producing nations and essential for growth of the Asia-pacific etc; What are the associated political tensions around it; energy security of various oil importing economies such as India and China etc; inflation and current account deficit in many developing economy as price of crude oil is linked to many other products; Impacts economy of major oil exporting economies such as Kuwait, Qatar, Iran, Iraq etc.

While there is no mention of India in the question, but make sure that you put out a little perspective from India’s point of view. You do not have to go deep in this part but just mention what are the significance of this strait for India.
– Important for India in terms of connectivity with central asia and Europe through INSTC and it’s projects in chabahar port. Effects India and other international effort towards stability in gulf, middle East and even Afghanistan.

You ended without discussing the global solution for the current situation and what is the alternative of this strait.

Marks: 1.5

Q.3)
The intro must discuss in detail the organizational structure, aims and mandate of Shanghai Cooperation Organization and mention India’s involvement in it.
Discuss the pros and cons of progress as being a member of SCO.
Your discussion on multi-alignments is decent but try to focus more on the topic in hand which is SCO and do not sway out a lot.

Decent conclusion.

Marks: 3.5

Q.4)
You started the answer really well but it lost sheen towards the end.
Discuss with examples the dichotomy of personal and public ethical behavior. Give more case studies and examples to drive home your points.
Avoid too technical discussion in ethics questions. Try to keep it simple and as real as possible.
You missed to discuss the second part of the question: “Do civil servants have to be ethical in personal life in order to be professionally ethical?”
Read the model answer for better understanding.

Marks: 2.5

Utkarsh Saxena
Member

paid

Utkarsh Saxena
Member

paid!

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Pooja Pareek
Guest
Pooja Pareek

How did u upload

Utkarsh Singh
Member

A1) A recent report by Nature Conservation Foundation said that coral cover in Lakshadweep has decreased from 51.6% in 1998 to 11% in 2017, along with a loss in its ability to recover from sudden shocks. The factors behind this decline are:

a) High Ocean Temperature due to El Nino and Climate Change, causing the following chain reaction:
Warmer Ocean Water > Coral expel algae, their main food source > Corals bleach and turn white > More vulnerable to disease and death.
b) Ocean Acidification, due to increased amount of dissolved carbon dioxide, which leads to the same result as above.
c) Coral mining: Coral is used as a cement substitute to build roads, houses and seawalls on the island, and as a decorative item too.

El Nino, the periodic increase in ocean water temperatures in the Indian Ocean, is the major factor leading to coral decline. Each of the three last bleachings of the coral in 1998, 2010 and 2016 has been linked to El Nino. Its negative effects are as follows:
a) Ability of corals to recover from each successive shock has declined.
b) Repeated El Nino lead to simpler and less complex corals, which leads to loss of habitat for fish and invertebrates. This leads to less available fishes for humans.
c) Repeated El Nino and subsequent coral loss also lead to coastal erosion, which may lead to disappearance of islands from above the sea level.
d) Every El Nino results in a bleaching of 80%- 90% corals, which can only recover if left alone for 4-5 years.

Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Utkarsh

Good intro
Use subheadings for better presentation in your answers. Mention first environment reasons and then athropogenic factors and discuss the points in your answer under these headings.
More depth is needed in the 1st part of the answer. More points need to added.
Points in the el nino discussion are repetitive.
What needs to be done for the protection of corals?

Marks: 2

Utkarsh Singh
Member

A2) The Strait of Hormuz is a water body located between Iran and Oman, linking the Persian Gulf with the Gulf of Oman – only 33 km wide at its narrowest spot. It is critical due to the following reasons:
a) Crude oil exports from the world’s largest producers- Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Kuwait and UAE passes through here, accounting for 20% of all the oil production of the world.
b) Qatar, the world’s largest LNG producer, exports its product through here.

This strategic choke point has seen an attack on two oil tankers – one Japanese and one Norwegian, with the US and Iran pointing fingers at each other due to pre- existing tensions. Furthermore, the US has threated to impose unilateral sanctions on any countries buying Iranian oil, leading to fiscal pressure on Iran. It has also invalidated the Joint Comprehensive Plan of Action- negotiated to prevent Iran from making enriched Uranium for nuclear weapons – on allegations that Iran isn’t following the rules of the agreement. Control of the Strait by any one country will lead to:
a) Control of that country over the most important shipping lane in the world.
b) Inflation in the value of oil due to uncertainties surrounding its supply.

To prevent escalation of the situation, the following actions must be taken:
a) Mutual descalation of hostilities through a mediator, between US and Iran.
b) Construction of pipelines to reduce the dependence on the Strait, to prevent countries from holding it at ransom.

Parth Verma
Admin

intro is again good

But the content for the main question asked is again lacking depth:

how economy of various countries depend on this route; employment it is generating; how it is lifeline for many non-oil producing nations and essential for growth of the Asia-pacific etc; What are the associated political tensions around it; energy security of various oil importing economies such as India and China etc; inflation and current account deficit in many developing economy as price of crude oil is linked to many other products; Impacts economy of major oil exporting economies such as Kuwait, Qatar, Iran, Iraq etc.

While there is no mention of India in the question, but make sure that you put out a little perspective from India’s point of view. You do not have to go deep in this part but just mention what are the significance of this strait for India.
– Important for India in terms of connectivity with central asia and Europe through INSTC and it’s projects in chabahar port. Effects India and other international effort towards stability in gulf, middle East and even Afghanistan.

Good discussion on the current situation in the region.

Very good conclusion.

Marks: 2.5

Utkarsh Singh
Member

A3) The Shanghai Cooperation Organisation (SCO) recently held its Heads of State meeting in Bishkek, where India participated as one of the members. Comprising of Russia, China, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, India and Pakistan, the eight membered council is the largest regional organisation of the world by both area and population.

India has participated actively in the organisation since its induction in 2017. An SCO membership is a vital counter to India’s othe regional groupings in the following ways:

a) SCO seeks to provide a counterpoint to the US and NATO in the west, letting India play an important part in international geopolitics.
b) After SAARC has been stuck in a rut, pursuing alternative regional groupings like SCO and BIMSTEC lets India interact with its neighbours productively.
c) India can avoid getting labelled as an associate of the US by collaborating with its ideological opposites like Russia and China, which it can do in SCO.
d) After becoming a member of SCO, India can now claim to have a pan-Asian presence in almost all the regional groupings in the region.
e) Unlike in groupings like SAARC and BIMSTEC, where India is seen with apprehension by some of its neighbouring countries due to a size disparity, SCO lets India interact more freely with members of comparable size without being at a disadvantage.

Parth Verma
Admin

All your points and structure is really good but the answer is uni dimensional.
UPSC requires multi dimensional answer where you address all the underlying issues, even if sometimes, the other side is not even asked or mentioned in the question.
While you discussed how important SCO is for India, at the same time you have to mention what are the issues that India will have to face with the membership of SCO.

In the end, you have to mention what should be the ideal course for India when it comes to multi-alignments.

Marks: 2

Pooja Pareek
Guest
Pooja Pareek

(Payment ID: MOJO9618H00A99184118)
Q1.

Varsha Chauhan
Member

Q2 MOJO9611C00A14581096

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Ganesh DV
Member

Order ID: CDTEST26457

Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Ganesh

the first two bullet points (regarding issues with Lakshwadeep coral damage) should be attached with the intro to make a better intro and better structure to your answer. Content in these parts are really good.

Second point in the environment issues is not specific and not required. Thats not a reason but result of those reasons.

Points in anthropogenic reasons are quite general and not substantive. Discuss a bit more there.

Work on your language and grammar. Discussion in el nino portion lacks depth and better points are needed.

Way forward is good.

You have to work on your depth of your answer. Right now you are just touching the face of the issue and not discussing much of it. Avoid this general approach.

Marks: 2

Prakhar Bharadwaj
Member

Payment ID MOJO9618O00A99185820

Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Prakhar
Seems you were not able to upload complete answer because I have only one page. Hence i am reviewing on that basis.

Combine the first two short paras to make a combined intro. Discuss a bit about degradation of corals in lakshwadeep in the intro by citing some report or recent examples. This will help you get better marks.

While you gave good reasons for this degradation in environmental and antropogenic reasons, but you have to discuss them too. In this approach, only flowchart will not suffice. You have to go little bit deep and discuss each points like how global warming or climate change or weather phenomenon affects coral health.

No discussion on the second part of the question.

Marks: .5

Prakhar Bharadwaj
Member

Thanks for noticing the error in upload

Pooja Pareek
Guest
Pooja Pareek
Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Pooja

Your intro is good content wise but you can skip the part where you discussed the basic formation of corals. This will give you more space for main body of the answer. Intro should not be taking more than 3 4 lines. Start with “Corals around the world are facing….”

Your main body has all the necessary points and discussion but there are few issues with it. Avoid large paragraphs. If using paras, then use smaller ones with sub headings for better presentation. Also in para format highlight or underline imp keywords. Secondly, in GS paper, try to use little bit simpler language.

Content is quite good overall in the answer.

Keep writing.

Marks: 3.5

Sourav Tiwari
Guest

.

Pooja Pareek
Member

Payment ID: MOJO9618H00A99184118
Q2.

Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Pooja….

I am seeing attached file of some other student who has uploaded the same file above.

Pavan Thalla
Member

PAYMENT ID : MOJO9613D00N10949221
NAME: THALLA PAVAN KUMAR
AWP : 17.06.19

Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Pavan

Q.1)
Try to use the first statement of the question (in this case: “Lakshadweep has been facing a drastic decline in coral cover in recent years. “) as a base for your intro. Hence, after your discussion on corals, mention the status of corals in Lakshwadeep in recent years.

Good discussion in the 1st part of the answer.

But the discussion in the 2nd part (el nino) needs more depth and points. No conclusion or way forward in the answer.

Avoid such general discussion as you did in 2nd part.

Marks: 2

Q.2)

While discussing the strait in the intro, mention why it has been in the news lately. Try to link static portions with latest events to make the answer relevant.
– The discussion on the economic significance is repetitive and most of the points are saying the same points. Mention how economy of various countries depend on this route; employment it is generating; how it is lifeline for many non-oil producing nations and essential for growth of the Asia-pacific etc
– What are the associated political tensions around it?
– energy security of various oil importing economies such as India China etc.
– inflation and current account deficit in many developing economy as price of crude oil is linked to many other products.
– Impacts economy of major oil exporting economies such as Kuwait, Qatar, Iran, Iraq etc.

Also mention its impact on Indian political and economic scenario like:
– Important for India in terms of connectivity with central asia and Europe through INSTC and it’s projects in chabahar port. Effects India and other international effort towards stability in gulf, middle East and even Afghanistan.

Ending is good…

Marks: 1.5

Q.3)
Good intro.
Points are quite good in the main body but overall answer is uni dimensional. UPSC requires multi dimensional answer where you address all the underlying issues, even if sometimes, the other side is not even asked or mentioned in the question.
While you discussed how important SCO is for India, at the same time you have to mention what are the issues that India will have to face with the membership of SCO.

Secondly, you missed one of the imp keyword in the question: “multi-alignments” Discuss points while keeping this in mind.

Good conclusion.

Marks: 1.5

Q.4)

Good answer overall.

All the points are covered in holistic manner and discussion is decent.

The only suggestion would be to give more examples in the 1st part of the answer and in those examples try to show how similar and different both the ethical traits are?.

Marks: 3.5

Ashok Reddy
Member

MOJO9617700D58501398
Q1

Parth Verma
Admin

Hi Ashok

Quite good intro.

While changing subheading, try to make it clear. Highlight or underline it. Like your subheading regarding athropogenic reasons is lost in the discussion. Avoid such mistakes.

Answer ends abruptly. After you have discussed affect of El Nino, discuss briefly what needs ot be done to save corals and their ecosystem.

Marks: 2.5

Ashok Reddy
Member

MOJO9617700D58501398
Q2

Parth Verma
Admin

While use of diagram is good, but try to make it more clear and little bit bigger otherwise it will lose its purpose.

While points in economic and political significance is ok, you can add more dimensions in your answer by mentioning how economy of various countries (non oil producing ones) depend on this route; employment it is generating; how it is lifeline for many non-oil producing nations and essential for growth of the Asia-pacific etc
– What are the associated political tensions around it?
– energy security of various oil importing economies such as India China etc.
– inflation and current account deficit in many developing economy as price of crude oil is linked to many other products.
– Impacts economy of major oil exporting economies such as Kuwait, Qatar, Iran, Iraq etc.

Conclusion is good

Marks: 3.5

SURINDER THAKUR
Member

17 June payment Id-MOJO9617200A58519460

SURINDER THAKUR
Member

Not checked @ parth sir

Parth Ranjan
Member

Q4
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Parth Ranjan
Member

Q3
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Parth Ranjan
Member

Q2
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Parth Ranjan
Member

Q1
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Bandari Sravya
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MOJO9616700A12539386
17june q1

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Bandari Sravya
Member

MOJO9616700A12539386
June17
Q2

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Bandari Sravya
Member

MOJO9616700A12539386
Q3

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Bandari Sravya
Member

Q4

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Bandari Sravya
Member

Sir can you please correct my answers