Mentor’s Comments-
- In the introduction, mention the increase in consumption of narcotic substances in India.
- In the body, explain how the increase is an effect of industrialization, urbanization and migration.
- Suggest a way forward.
- Conclude on an optimistic note.
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Arjun
You have written a pretty generic answer. It is useful to keep the statement mentioned in the question in context.
In introduction, you can begin with the data on drug abuse, that’s good enough. The question contains urbanization, industrialization and migration- so mentioning just one of those is not advisable.
Next, mention the effect of these things and how these have led to loosening of traditional methods- peer pressure, mental health issues, lack of family support, neurotic pleasure are some good points that you have mentioned. Further you could talk about disintegration of the old joint family system; Decline of old religious and moral values; introduction of synthetic drugs; Advancement in technology; performance enhancement in stressful conditions.
You have written two separate sections titling them as causes and reasons; not required.
Also, specific government schemes need not be mentioned…you can use them as examples in the way forward…mention broad points on what we need to do… such as Society based Solutions (role of media, NGO, civil society etc); strict legislative measures; making treatment available on request like any other health service; international collaboration etc.
Ideally a 15 marker should be written in 2.5-3 pages, so a bit of elaboration on above points can be done.
Conclusion is decent.
Keep practicing. 🙂
4.5/15
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Hello
In introduction you have defined drugs as chemical substances that are pleasurable and relieves stress and anxiety… This statement seems to more in favour of drug abuse.. You can modify it.. Harmful substances that give neurotic pleasure and are ‘alleged’ to reduce stress.. would be better.
After that no need to mention so many stats. Question already acknowledges that drug abuse is a problem.
One or two points would be sufficient.
Next part is important where you need to break down the effects of industrialization, urbanization and migration.
In effects of industrialization, purchasing power is decent point, only population increase can’t be cited as a reason for drug abuse, you can talk about proliferation of slums with unlivable conditions. Further, advancement of technology, appearance of synthetic and performance-enhancing drugs can be mentioned.
Also, the question talks about loosening of traditional methods of control, so, you can mention disintegration of the old joint family system; decline of old religious and moral values etc
All points can be written in one section only rather than making different sub sections, just try to include different dimensions.
In way forward talk of legal and administrative measures is fine, you can also suggest society based Solutions (role of media, NGO, civil society etc); making treatment available on request like any other health service; international collaboration etc.
A concluding statement could be mentioned in the end.
Keep practicing. 🙂
5.5/15
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Hello
Decent attempt. Analysis of the causes specially is quite good. In industrialization, you could also talk about the advent of new synthetic drugs, advancement of technology making accessibility easier(dark web etc). Other points are good. Breakdown of traditional methods can be integrated in earlier sections, for example, you have mentioned nuclearisation of family in migration and again talked about joint family in next part. So, you can avoid writing a separate sub section there.
Instead try to write a way forward.. Government initiatives have not been asked, you can mention them as examples in way forward. You can also suggest society based Solutions (role of media, NGO, civil society etc); making treatment available on request like any other health service; international collaboration etc.
Introduction is good, some data related to increasing use of drugs can make it better.
Conclusion is fine.
Keep practicing. 🙂
6.5/15
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Rao
Decent attempt.
In introduction you have talked about the rising trend, if you can substantiate it using some data it will be good.
In next part, you have focussed on loosening of traditional methods of social control… Points are good. Try to link them with earlier 3 keywords mentioned.. For example, urbanization- nuclear family- loosening of social control- drug abuse. You can talk about advancement of technology as a result of industrialization which has further loosened social control as access to internet, dark web etc have increased. Similarly, as a result of migration and industrialization, occupations have been shifting, rise in slums which become breeding places of drug abuse.
In way forward, you can also suggest society based Solutions (role of media, NGO, civil society etc); making treatment available on request like any other health service; international collaboration etc.
Conclusion is decent.
Keep practicing. 🙂
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Abhishek
Introduction is decent, good that you have mentioned data. Instead of saying ‘adults under 30’, you can use the term youth.
In next part, some good points such as breakdown of joint family, erosion of values etc are mentioned. However, couldn’t get the linkage in some points such as pollution of lakes and rivers ( how does that increase drug usage?)… At the most you can make a passing mention of increased stress due to polluted environment.. Other than that you can talk about advancement of technology as a result of industrialization which has further loosened social control as access to internet, dark web etc have increased. Similarly, as a result of migration and industrialization, occupations have been shifting, rise in slums which become breeding places of drug abuse.
In way forward, first point is decent.
You can also suggest society based solutions (role of media, NGO, civil society etc); making treatment available on request like any other health service; international collaboration etc.
Keep practicing. 🙂
thank u sir
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Pallab
Decent attempt. Introduction is good, some data to substantiate the phenomenon of increasing drug usage would be nice.
Causes mentioned are also good… But you need to link some of the points with ‘loosening of traditional methods of social control’… You can talk about breakdown of joint family structure, erosion of religious/moral values, advancement of technology as a result of industrialization with easier access to internet, dark web etc for the youth etc
Way forward is decent, if you can mention a separate subsection on way forward elaborating upon the points a bit. Newer forms of social control, involvement of NGOs, civil society, media etc can be suggested.
Keep practicing. 🙂
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Shubham
Introduction is fine, nice that you have mentioned data to substantiate.
Causes also have been well written, however,you can elaborate upon the points a bit, especially how traditional social control has been loosening- erosion of religious/moral values, advancement of technology as a result of industrialization with easier access to internet, dark web etc for the youth, lower stigmatization (peer use) etc
Way forward part is decent. Newer forms of social control, involvement of NGOs, civil society, media etc can be suggested.
Conclusion is fine
Keep practicing. 🙂
6.5/15
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Megha
Decent attempt, your knowledge is wholesome on the topic but I think you could have explained how ‘traditional methods of social control’ are loosening as mentioned in the question a bit better.
Introduction is fine. Good that you have used data to substantiate.
In next part, overall points are decent.. You can talk about breakdown of joint family structure, erosion of religious/moral values, advancement of technology as a result of industrialization with easier access to internet, dark web etc for the youth etc
Way forward is fine, good amount of points have been covered.
Conclusion is fine too.
Keep practicing. 🙂