“Mentor’s Comments”
Introduction – define ethical governance
Body –
Explain what are constituents of governance in private organisation.
Explain how profit although important for organization but can’t be sole focus. Use arguments for how total focus on profit can create hurdle for business with example.
Conclusion – write how business with ethical governance can led to prosperity of both private enterprise and society
Please review
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Utkarsha,
Your Introduction is good.
However you have not understood well the demand of the question.
1. Write more components related to private organization. Such as customers welfare, social responsibility, compliance with laws of the land etc.
2. Use examples related to Private organization rather then IIT.
3. You have just mentioned one implication of lack of ethical Governance i.e. corruption add more points to it.
4. Writing Examples without clear basis of arguments makes no sense rather bring out aspect related to importance of ethical governance which negates various implications discussed before.
Write conclusion in your words.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
2.5/10
UPI Reference No.-114715258066
Murari,
Your whole page is not related to the question.
Write better definition of ethical governance and use example from private sector since question is related to that Only.
There is no need to write about Henry Ford rather stick to the demand of the question.
You stated addressing question from second page.
You need to give more detailed write up about the components of ethical governance in private sector.
Than write implications caused by lack of ethical Governance and profit orientationfor Ex. Breach of consumers trust, depletion of brand value -Volkswagen emissions scandal mindless exploitation, environmental impacts etc.
Then write how Ethical governance helps in checking these issues.
Write small paragraphs, Cite exmples from private sectors for substantiating your point.
Conclusion can be written Better.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
2.5/10
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Ankita,
Your Introduction is fine add example here to add value.
You haven’t satisfied the demand of the question.
Don’t divert from the core demand of the question. There is no need to define CSR.
You need to talk in detail about the implications of lack of ethical Governance in private sector and profit being the sole objective. Such as depletion of brand value, breach of Trust, corruption, Environmental degradation etc.
Add Examples for it then write how Ethical governance addressed these issues.
Read question properly, understand it’s demand stick to the core Demand and use examples.
Use upsc standard space for a 10 marks question.
Also write smaller paragraphs can clearly demarcate Various section of the answer.
Keep practicing for further Improvement:)
3.5/10
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Kartikey,
You have understood the question and addressed it in right direction but arguments you have used are very generic.
You need to write more effective points in both the sections.
Also Use examples to substantiate your points in both the sections.
Before talking about Ethical Governance you need to define it.
Conclusion can be written better.
Keep practicing for further Improvement:)
3.5/10
Review
Ref no 0000420120
Rajlaxmi,
Rather then reproducing quote start your answer with your own understanding or start directly by definition of Ethical Governance.
Use better example it’s not necessary to use examples from the life of the person whose quote is given in the question.
Combined diagram used in the last of first page with Importance of Ethical Governance. There is multiple repetition of same points same in essence in your avoid that.
You haven’t written why profit orientation should not be a sole motive. Write negatives impacts of lack of ethical governance then only this answer will be wholistic.
Read question properly, take your time in understanding the demand of the question and address it holistically.
Read others’ answers. Keep practicing:)
2.5/10
REF ID: #0000425733
Please review @Swatantra Sir
Your Introduction is fine.
Overall your write up is very good.
However it’s Incomplete. Before focusing upon people and planet
You must bring out the implications related to profits being sole motive in greater detail add points like tarnished brand value, corrupt practices – Volkswagen emissions scandal, Satyam scandal, environmental impacts etc.
Then focus in people and planet.
Inculcate more examples in your answer.
Conclusion is well Written.
Address all the aspects equitably and Keep practicing for further improvement 🙂
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Shivanshu 3,
You need to concise your Introduction. There is no need to rewrite the quote just give a reference to it.
Last para in the first page is hard to comprehend be clear and direct in your expression
In body you have missed one aspect that is why profit should not be a sole motive ?
Write implications of it.
Then only Importance of corporate governance will make more sense.
To add more value to your point write examples along with your arguments not in the end.
Conclusion is fine. Address all the aspect of the question and avoid repetition of mistakes.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)
kindly review @Swatantra sir
ref id #420326
Deepali,
Your Introduction is fine add an example here to add value.
You need not to rewrite quote given in the question just reference to it is enough.
After pointing out that profit should not be sole motive suggest why ?
Write argument you have written in second last para but in a bit more detail here.
Point out various components of ethical governance in private organizations and use them to bring out the importance of ethical governance and write more effective points with social, political, economic importance.
To give depth to your answer Use examples to substantiate your points.
Conclusion is fine.
Try to address all the possible Aspects of the question.
Keep practicing for further improvement:)